4 Tips to Make Resolution Rituals Work

December 31, 2010 By

New Years: an annual time to reflect, plan, resolve and set goals for the upcoming year. It is the time we put the past behind us and begin anew.

Yet we all know that it doesn’t take many days (and in some cases hours) until we flub up. Harsh words are uttered. A cigarette is lit. We skip the gym. We are late (again). We put off that which we deemed very important just a few weeks ago. We spend more time with paperwork than with the people we work with.

Yet, in spite of year after year of failed resolutions, we continue this rite. So, how might we use some of the resolution rituals differently to get it “right” in 2011?

Tip 1: Use the Symbolism of a New Beginning

The reality is that January 1st is not all that different than Dec. 31st. However, in our minds we create a very big distinction. The symbolism of entering a new year, turning the calendar, and beginning anew offers a psychological marker that we attend to.

I’d suggest using that same symbolism to our advantage by looking at smaller and hence more frequent time increments. What if you think New Quarter or New Month or New Day in addition to New Year? This is the “practice makes perfect” principle. Make your birthday a time to reflect and course correct and you’ll have two opportunities per year. Make this a practice at the beginning of each season and you have quadrupled the effect. Make it a daily practice to reflect, adjust and set intentions and you will see a dramatic difference.

Tip 2: Think in Increments

 We have a tendency to think in “either /or” which sets us up for failure. We are either fat or thin, fit or a slob, successful or a failure. As such, we often make a dramatic change on January 1st (or 2nd) that is unrealistic and unsustainable. Anyone that has gone to the gym the first week in January knows what I mean.

The caterpillar does not turn into a butterfly over night. Use the image of metamorphoses as your guide. Set your direction and take repeated steps over time. Persistence will pay off; you will have transitioned in a manageable and lasting way. Take a small step, meet with some success and then raise the bar. Do this over and over again – and you truly experience a transformation.

Anais Nin puts it this way: “I made no resolutions for the New Year.  The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.”

Tip  3: Invite your Friends

New Years is a social time of gathering with others. It may be a few loved ones, it might be a small party or it might be with 999,999 other people in Times Square. No matter the size, the social element is a critical component.

Inviting others in on your resolutions or intentions is not only fun, but can greatly increase the chance of reaching the goals you set. I would never have done half marathons if my daughter and husband had not been by my side.  We worked out together, we shared what we learned, and we held each other accountable.

Tip  4: Celebrate

The overarching image of New Years is celebration. Sometimes we revel in the wonderful things that occurred in the past year. Other years we rejoice that the year is past and that we have survived all that has been thrown our way. Either way, we laugh, we dance, we relax and enjoy.

Bring that same sense of joy throughout the year. Take your team out for a celebration when they hit their goals. Build rewards into accomplishments. Plan for it in advance – to both avoid overlooking the need to do this and also as another motivator to maintain focus. For as Thomas Peters notes: “Celebrate what you want to see more of.”

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Transformation from the Inside Out

September 26, 2010 By

Struggling with Monkey Mind

My yoga instructor calls it “monkey brain” – the tendency we have to jump from thought to thought like a monkey jumps from tree to tree. Human brains have countless thoughts, random thoughts, recurring thoughts – like an 8 lane highway, but with not many traffic rules.  

Brain scientists study the phenomenon with much more precision and are finding that there is much more going on than even we can imagine. Estimates vary, but current research would tell us that only 10 to 20% of our brain activity is with conscious thought. The unconscious mind is always working, just below the surface. It exerts a powerful force that shapes what we do, how we do it and consequently the results we get.

Henry Ford is quoted as saying, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” While I would concur, the challenge becomes how does one dig deeply enough into our sub-conscious thinking to truly understand what guides us from day to day.

Real change, lasting change, substantial change occurs when we are able to identify a thought and belief that is no longer serving us well and replace it with a thought or belief that does. This is transformational change, inside – out, and is much more powerful and more lasting. It requires more up front effort in discerning the thought pattern that needs to change – but once the “aha” happens, requires far less discipline, maintenance and is less prone to regressing back to past behaviors and results.

Here is a simple process that can get you started:

  • Think about a situation that you would like to change, where you are frustrated with the results (or the lack of) results you are getting
  • Write down your thoughts and beliefs about the situation – with brutal honesty
  • Examine them and ask:
    • Are they really true?
    • Do they serve me well?
    • Are there other ways I can think about this situation that would serve me better?
    • Set an intention. Write down the new thoughts or beliefs and describe how you will think and act in accordance to what you have learned.
    • Observe yourself in the next few weeks and when your old thought pattern shows up; guide your thoughts back to your intention. Take corrective action.
    • Repeat. Over and over and over again. Our subconscious so powerful that this make take awhile.

Examples always help me, so here is a simple one.

Situation:  You are frustrated and overworked.  The team you lead waltzes out the office door at 5 every day, leaving you to work late nights and Saturdays.

Beliefs: After sitting down to reflect, you realize that you have a belief that the work won’t get done right if you don’t do it yourself.

Examination:  When you think through the questions, you realize that the work may not get done exactly the same way you would do it, but that there can be many ways to tackle the work. What matters is the result.  You realize that you “hold onto the work” – and that is resulting in your frustration and a severe crimp in your work life balance. Clearly this belief is not serving you well.

Intention:  You set an intention to delegate work to your staff.  You intend to allow your team the freedom to approach the task in their unique way, knowing that the focus on the right result will suffice. You see yourself coaching your team as you delegate. You set an intention to leave the office every day by 6 pm.

Actions:  In the office, you identify some recurring tasks that you could delegate. You identify team members who are good fits for the work, set expectations around outcomes and expectations on the results and coach them through the first few weeks. You slip a few times and switch into “micro-manage” mode, but recognize it,  apologize to the person and ask them to tell you when you are providing too much direction in “how” to do the task rather than focusing on the outcome.

Of course, it sounds easier that it actually is. But the alternative of continuing to live with thought patterns and sub-conscious beliefs that undermine our happiness, success and well being makes the effort, time and focus well worth it.

This quote sums it up quite nicely:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

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Change Effort Stuck?

August 13, 2010 By

Transformational change in organizations is hard (major understatement!)– and the more processes, systems, peoples and time involved the greater the level of difficulty. Because of this, it is very typical to initially underestimate any number of things: the time it will take, the people required, the resources needed, the impact to other areas, the amount of coordination required. In the early planning phases we tend to assume the best – things will go quickly, the right people will be available just when you need them, that it’s really not “all that difficult”. And then hard, cold, unrelenting reality sets in.

Once we begin to get a sense of the real scope and scale of the change, these challenges begin to surface in a real way. Quite often much energy and effort have already been expended. Commitments have been made. Plans are in place. People are stretched thin and worn out. So when the hard truth that it will take more than we ever imagined to put the change in place becomes evident – it is a very “inconvenient truth”.

Facing up to this hard reality is a daunting  leadership challenge. Our human propensity is to fight or flight. Fight looks like denying the reality, pushing on without adjustment, asking people to work 14 hours rather than the normal 10. Flight is abandonment, turning back, giving up. Neither is what is needed.

Here are 6 things that do need done.

  1. Yield to the Reality Be brutally honest about the true state. State the obvious. Declare the problem and the intent to fix it. Hiding problems almost always takes more time and energy than naming them and getting focused on a fix.
  2. Pause. Breathe. Slow things down for a moment to go faster later.
  3. Reflect. How much has been done? What is yet to be done? What do we know that was not knowable at kick off? What is getting the way? Why? What has changed? What needs to change to make this happen? What is our most important outcome? How do we get there? The more honest the answers, the more likely your fix will work.
  4. Re-Plan. Pull together the team. Use their much more accurate understanding of the effort to put together a plan that can succeed. Keep a focus on what is really important. Typically this is an adjustment – not a total change of direction.
  5. Recommit. Create fresh energy around the plan by reemphasizing the importance of the big goal. Maintain momentum by identifying shorter term wins that are within sight. Quickly get people moving forward again – this time with a clearer path with fewer obstacles.
  6. Press On. Step by Step. One milestone after another. Demonstrate the will to get this done. Make it clear that turning back is not an option.

And a final note…..don’t forget to look back on occasion and celebrate the progress made.

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The Death of Miss Kim

May 27, 2010 By

It was quick – and relatively painless. Gone, in minutes, after 17 years of being a part of my life. Rarely had my husband reacted so quickly to a request. But at the mere hint that Miss Kim, the lilac tree near our front door should go he sprang into action. Perhaps it was the enticement of using the brute force of his tractor, a chain and lots of horsepower.

An avid gardener, I have an aversion to removing any living thing that has some degree of life to it. No matter how overgrown, scraggly, and ugly. Yet after the shock of loosing Miss Kim, I reveled in the openness of our entry way and looked forward to the growth my hydrangea would experience now that Miss Kim no longer blocked the sun. I felt a degree of lightness, of new possibilities. Sorry, Miss Kim, but I am not missing you at all!

Leaders, too, have similar aversions to killing things that have lost their vitality or purpose, but have been around for a long time. Much easier to design, develop, improve, implement. Much harder to decommission, discontinue, halt or stop doing what has always been done. Even if it doesn’t serve a purpose anymore – at least one that we can discern. I have yet find an organization that did not have practices, policies, processes, tools, meetings, and reports that could go the way of Miss Kim.

Challenge yourself. When you implement something new, be explicit about what goes away and diligent about insisting that it does die. Insist on examining the tasks that consume precious time, energy and resources in your organization. What things have outlived their usefulness? What things do you do that your customers don’t need or value?

Once you identify what needs to go away – take a lesson from my husband. Use the best tools at hand and take quick action. I suspect that the people you lead will cheer – at least once they get over the initial disruption. When was the last time you found ways to do less rather than more?

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